Comparatively uninterested

 I it narcissistic to say you learn more about the world from looking into yourself? Or is it actually humble? On one hand it would be very cocky to assume that your personal experiences constitute most of the universal ones. But that's just it... your personal experiences are also mostly universal. I think it's humble to acknowledge, appreciate and learn from sonder. 

"Your personal experiences with money make up about 0.0001% of what has happened in the world but 80% of how you think the world works."-Morgan Housel 

In meditations, Marcus Aurelius talks about how we should all avoid making judgements on others unless judging from a point of knowledge of all that is in the universe. Omniscience is a power we humans reserve for our deities though, hence rises a problem.

I would not call myself the most attentive to details. Tasks, especially ones I find repetitive and uninteresting, I tend to skim over quickly sometimes even impulsively and carelessly. I have a perceived allergy to the mundane unless I find it wholly engrossing and interesting I have no desire to excel at it or thirstily pursue it. Part of the reason why, is my naturally non-competitive nature. I know some tik-tok psychologist has already labelled it a testosterone deficiency, or maybe I've been in too many social media echo chambers but anyway I am a firm believer that I do not have to compete with anybody for anything that is MINE. Complimentarily early on in my life, I came to notice how little performance merits matter to me.

Performance is often merited on output. Output that is non-beneficial to me in any way. A higher performance on my part benefits me in no way except for the approval of a human, just like me

"look closely and you'll see those whose judgement you're afraid of and how righteously they judge themselves" -Marcus Aurelius

The person in charge of assessing my productivity is seldom producing any value for themself that is not monetary. I cannot claim to have been brought up privileged, I just have an amalgamation of very privileged experiences. I am in no hurry for surplus monetary value. I do not have any needs that are not materialistic or hedonistic that I do not already get. 

I also grew up in disdain for comparison due to a few personal experiences. I always saw comparison as a thief of joy for both parties, he being compared to excellence and the excellence being told their excellence is a normal feat for anyone who puts himself to it. It is also a tool for division and control. We're so worried about how we look in the backdrop of others successes and failures we make it our whole identity. I had my ego destroyed and rebuilt a number of times as a child a teenager and a young adult. Amidst the chaos I learned my foundation cannot be the fulfilment I get from my position in relation to anybody.

I wonder how far my head is up my own ass for thinking the way I do .I have been called cocky a number of times. I think all the knowledge we need to flourish is revealed to us through our interactions with other humans and situations. However, it requires a mix of reflection and objectivity that is being conditioned out of us. I see jokes about how increasingly hard it is becoming to "run from the voices"  In the era of music streaming, short-form and adult content it's easy to disassociate for a few dopamine hits.

I envy all able to sit with their thoughts objectively and focus only on them. It is an amazing feat to have inroads into your own psyche and these roads are built predominantly in silence when one is delving into assessment of the nature of the world, how it relates to them and how they relate to others. The best classrooms are social settings, proximity to other humans undergoing the same or different situations. There are no merits, the goal is to experience, not to command or influence. The goal is not domination but contentment.