The first time I travelled alone

 "I talked to your mom recently, do you know what your friend has been up to?" I had been blind sided by this question. The ride had mostly been quiet up until then. They all are unless we're talking about cars or money. The headlights dimly lit up my father's face for a second or two. I decided I'd play the fool, I had already been lectured by my mom about the company I keep. "You better not be drinking, I've seen what it does to people." I nod and feign a yawn instinctively, I'm almost surprised at my inability to maintain composure while being blasted by the truth. It does get me out of this very unpleasant conversation though. A lot is on my mind, like how I'm going on a trip I haven't really been booked for.

I get to the school campus, unload my bag and immediately pull out my phone to talk to the person who's to fix my name on the list. Pleasantly the conversation is short and precise with the good news. "Don't worry you're on bus 2." I sigh almost audibly in relief my scummy backdoor tactics had worked. I put my bag in the bus, everyone is outside socializing and excited to be headed to the coast. This is my first time travelling 'alone' and I am too so I head out. "Tim, no way!" I hear an excited feminine voice. It's Jax, we'd been on a few benders together but I hadn't really seen her in about 2 years. I'm relieved to see a familiar face and elated when she dangles a 2 liter water bottle with gin and tonic inside. Just what I was waiting for something to knock the edge off.

Time finally came for us to board and head out. I already knew the journey was going to be a long one so I knew I had to  keep myself entertained. We first stopped at Mlolongo, my strategic spot near the door allows me to jet out quickly and head for the liquor store, Whiskey cola and good mixes on my phone were more than what I needed to sit placidly for 8 or more hours. Not long after my I made my first acquaintance. My seatmate came into the liquor store and upon seeing him I acknowledge the hilarity by laughing and joking about us all being a bunch of typical roving University alcoholics. The journey resumed. A couple of swigs in and I was feeling rather conversational. I speak to everyone on my row  and that's how I meet Mat, Sue, Tim and Brie. Mat and Sue are a couple that has dated for a while with and both have very understated wealth. Tim is almost exactly just like me with no friends on the trip and is moving onto Brie under the influence. Brie is here for the vibes with smiles all round .

The trip was mostly uneventful but the day-drinking and scenery make for an amazing time on the bus. When we get to the hotel we're told to get rooms with our friends. That's when it dawned on me I should have been investing in some 'company' as there were new couples everywhere high on life and ready to make the most of the night. I then remembered why I hadn't, me and my partner had been experiencing a tumultuous time, a very tough one at that and I was not even sure our relationship was a thing anymore. Luckily there was a chill dude who had a room all to himself and did not mind sharing. Jax approached me yet again and we talked about how nice it would be to have something to smoke. I needed to take my mind off of my 'partner' and so I volunteered to go out looking for weed at 10pm in Mtwapa. A friend of mine gave me a valuable tactic, always ask the bodaboda guys. I found a co-operative one and soon enough we were zooming through villages in the forest, going from local pub to local pub asking. We came to one that was run by a one-armed man with dreads, he had loads of scars indicating he had probably gone through some traumatic fight. Back at the hotel we rolled up smoked up and had nice conversations in stifling heat under the stars, then retired the next day was going to be full of activity. 

We mostly went out on excursions the next 2 days spending time at multiple historical sites and beaches. Being by the sea made me feel small. It's vastness was a refreshing reminder something bigger than me was going on. Despite it all I felt like I was still in my room arguing with my partner, replaying all the words and fearing for the worst once  I got home. It's crazy how you can almost literally feel in when your heart is aching and throughout this trip it was subtly there throughout, I was spiraling. "You're always taking walks alone.", I was drawn from my mind by a stranger. It was a girl we were on the trip with, I recognized her face from the hotel. I was a little taken aback by her observation as I was only then realizing it myself. I do not quite remember what I replied but thankfully the conversation was short as we were walking in different directions. The tide had cleared and some boys were on the beach playing football, just what I needed.

On the third day we were visiting a historical site, we had just got done and I was seated beside the bus having a conversation with yet another stranger with whom I had bonded with over going to high-school in the same region. Out of the blue someone remarked in Dholuo " You went to Maranda? ". It was the girl from the beach the previous day. She joined our conversation and I learned her name was Nancy and she was in her final year. We were only stopped in our tracks when the trip marshals rounded us into the buses to go to our next destination, a beach in Malindi. I had some gin in my pocket and me and Tim shared it watching palm and mango trees whiz by. In Malindi town we stopped at a tourist hotel, I ran into Nancy again at the teller where we made some small talk and she asked me to come with her to the beach and take photos of her to which I obliged. We got to the beach and It was the most beautiful one so far. Nancy was stellar company, we had so much in common and it turns out we actually came from the same town. We sat on a small Island in the blue water, admiring the scenery. It was amazing

As we left the beach Nancy told me she wanted to smoke at the hotel and since I had some 'grabba' on me I promised I'd look for her. Malindi is so beautiful in the evening the drive back looked like a fever-dream. It had been the first time I had not been in my head in while, it felt amazing. I was on the rooftop of the hotel with Jax smoking when I had done freshening up back at the hotel. " I can almost feel your aura a mile away", Nancy rocked up remarking. I was taken aback by how much of a liking she had taken to me. We talked under the stars under the influence and she told me she'd love my company the next day, she wanted to go see Aquaman at Nyali cinema the next day and asked if I'd accompany her. I obliged seeing as we had just had a good day and nobody had asked to do anything with me on the free day of our trip.

The next day I went to Nyali to meet up one of my friends, he's local to the area and knew where to get good weed. Jax was on a similar mission so me her Nancy and a few other people from the resort piled into a matatu and headed for Nyali beach. I was smoking on the beach with my friend and I saw my phone light up with a call, it was Nancy. After a good smoke I headed for Nyali Mall which was surprisingly a walking distance away to meet up with her. We had lunch at Big Square looking down onto the road where sleek cars frequented and coconuts and palms swayed. It was a beautiful evening. After the movie me and Nancy were in a matatu heading back to the resort talking, nothing deep. She was in the window seat and as I was looking out I caught her staring at me, she leaned in and stole a kiss which took me aback. Suddenly it all came back to me, my partner, our situation and it felt sinking.

Nancy invited me back to her room, I promised to go with her but back in my room I was conflicted. Had I just cheated? No, my partner had told me explicitly she wanted a break from me. But I still felt loyal to her, it was conflicting. I decided to call her and talk, maybe today would be different. I was met by a cold uninterested voice on the other side of the line. I was desperate to kindle any sort of conversation but the distance wore me out. Every cold response felt like a blade slicing away at me, I was figuratively on my knees but it did not seem to bother her. After the call I thought about all the words I heard from her the past 3 months and the toll they had taken on me. All the times I lay awake at night knowing she was slipping away from me and how it was most certainly into other arms. I had just been told by a girl how women never exit relationships to be alone unless they are very abusive. A whirlwind was going on in my mind. I needed a distraction.

Later on that night I was at the pool table with Tim who had also managed to get himself a vacation fling. We were drunk and reminiscing how it had all gone down. It was sad that all that was on my mind despite this beautiful ambience and the amazing people my mind was on my girl troubles. I was a young man learning then and there how to master my emotions thoughts and actions in a foreign place. I'm thankful I have learned how to winnow them better since then. I have not travelled alone since then but I will definitely make it a point since last time was such a menagerie of experiences and people.