Walling

I understand. Not because of empathy but as a reckoning. An acknowledgement of how hard it is to try. Always subliminally, "Read the room, you're an adult.", so now I look for meaning and find it in the most mundane of cues. "Why did you put your bag between us?", you look uncomfortable answering the question. You've put a physical barrier between us, it must be indicative of something. You say it's nothing. I don't know when I'll see you again, I revel in your presence. You're my one and only carnal desire, let me kiss you goodbye... "We'll see each other soon.", you say and again I cannot stop thinking about you putting your bag between us.

Always subliminal, I figured that was the reason you couldn't express what you felt. It was terrible to always have to guess. Because half a year had gone by so fast and I felt the change of weather. You made me hone my perception because you felt you were unseen. When clarity came to my vision you felt too exposed. Now I can see, albeit forcibly. I'll admit I had more glee when I was shrouded in bliss and ignorance. I learned to read but I failed to comprehend, I saw the bag two weeks to the end. You're quick to dismiss my way of thinking but I saw all the signs when you thought I had no inkling

I must applaud your pretense, because you knew more than I did and acted clueless. You're calculated, to you it was another game of chess. You lie a lot, always subliminal. You lie by omission, you feign a lack of thought. I caught you before you even caught yourself. When the moments got heated I saw the illusion melt. I knew it was true when you told me to believe what I felt. Multiple conversations, hours long in the night. You think I'm stupid? I've seen how you smile when you have him on the line. I claim it's suspicious you say I'm just starting fights. You're an open book baby, I read rooms. 

The bag two weeks ago told me everything I needed to know. Everything I missed every time you chose to leave. I lost so much respect for myself in your pursuit, I lost even more when I finally had you. It broke my heart hearing you feign remorse, you play the victim but you're the one who charted this course.