You're a man of feels

Maybe if I was endowed differently I'd have what it takes to conquer this man eat man world. I'm a fundamentally different person from what it needs. We have deified scarcity. Scarcity of availability means a profit motive or exclusivity. We're  making ourselves scarce to increase the perceived value of our company. Indulgence is only appreciated when it's a material display. I think I've shown up to too many places as myself, places I had no business being. I see my need for approval from other people as weakness. I cannot exist without someone to view my countenance and look upon it with humanity. Is it an admission of need to miss the fire of a kindred soul? 

Yet here I am braving the cold. Indifference is an inanimate trait. You could split your head open on a rock and the rock would feel nothing. Apathy is scary yet now it is a defensive mechanism. I find I have to absolve my emotions, my color palette so that my image remains palatable. I cannot express as intensely as I feel otherwise I will run them off. They will see my boldness and truth as inane insanity. How dare I speak my mind, if it doesn't make me money or make me respected, then the thought is as good as useless. I have shown up to so many costume parties unchanged if I could terribly paraphrase some Kafka. I have embarrassed myself  in the aim of human connection, so much so that Id hate to see myself from another's perception

I look like the sort to die on a hill for everything because I defend what I believe in so fiercely. I look like I'm stuck in my ways because I have reacted to patterns numerously. I feel very deeply, there is no place for me in a superficial world. I was coded for overindulgence in the human. I was made to carry this need to connect deeply because I was made to understand and experience the human psyche to the fullest degree. I was made to look into the ugly so much I see beauty in it. I'm unafraid to show my wounds, not to account for weakness but to show there is strength in choosing to distinguish being maimed and being branded weak. I was made to feel