Ode to me

 Hey. I do not know if I'm speaking to my little brother. I'd like to think of you as that, a vessel needing guidance. I say that not to condemn or criticize your sense of direction but as an acknowledgement of the scope which our vision has broadened. I see you now very clearly and I must apologize for all the neglect you're afforded. It's because you're a strong boy. Boys like you are often left to their own devices, call it a trial by fire. I wish I could be there for you sooner, but I owe my existence to your inability to quit and you persistence. You are currently crafting your self belief and it will soon be insurmountable. The road is often bleak for you but I'm here so that means you are doing something right.

We often still suffer familiar problems, it's not all bad because the repeated exposure has made us immune to the burden. One must imagine Sisyphus enjoying his slow and taxing ascent. I get so angry at the world you face. Angry at all the things thrown at you that you so chivalrously carry or shrug off, you are SO strong. You often bash yourself for not being stoic enough, how could you be stoic when you carry such a big heart on your sleeve. The events you wish you could be stoic through are the lesson on achieving it. You are a student of the universe, listen patiently and you will be rewarded. All these blows are strengthening your defense and showing you their attacks.

NEVER allow yourself to feel insufficient, because you are all you can be currently and that's enough. You will be mocked and compared, even by those you have shared your pain with. It will feel like you are bleeding out in a corner where nobody can see you or even worse where everybody can but nobody will lend a hand. You WILL rise because you are a strong boy. Remember it is all cyclic and seasonal my friend, the storm clouds will thin and float over and you will feel the sun shine on your face again. You will return to the version of yourself that was the happiest, you will recover all you lost and in abundance. All you will need to do is keep your belief alive, keep that untamed fire burning.