The Nihlist

 I come from a place of light. I could see nothing but color for a while, but it seems the closer I get to everything I have seen as beautiful and colorful in my younger days the farther I stray from my light. And slowly the fairness and beauty fades into darkness. I am told that I may find brighter and better lights, ones that illuminate my destination and journey and fill them with color. But then again I might stray too far from my light and never find it again. I ask if this is a bad thing. Is it so terrible to live aiming to be comfortable in darkness rather than finding the light. The farther I walk into my journey, the more I see a sense of pointlessness to it perhaps I have no destination. Maybe the point of it all is to experience the journey and aiming at a destination disorients me from the 'purpose'.

When I was a kid, I used to do brilliant in school, with minimal effort if I may add. I was very confident in my abilities and I was sure I would end up in a good place in life because good grades = good life, it's what I was always hearing. I used to get in a lot of trouble because I didn't do homework or study (like I said minimal effort) but I had the grades so I was good even without a work ethic. Fast forward to high-school. I met more and more people like me, I had mixed feelings about it. I used to think I was 1 in a million (I was a little or a lot narcissistic) that I was THE character so I had 'plot armor' and nothing would derail me from the good ending I deserved. But then as my eyes opened I began to see how different real life is from films and video games. In real life it doesn't matter how sharp and gifted you are, you can and will still fail. You can be the filth and scourge of humans, villainous in your existence and you will still live like a hero, heck you might even fool everyone into thinking you are one too. If you have not yet noticed, I do not believe in destiny. There is no getting what you deserve, because you only deserve it according to your perspective. There is only facing the consequences of your own actions and if you are smart enough you can escape from them your whole life (Before you come at me, think of it). We live in a world with liberty, a world of choice, where with the right amount dumb luck and knowing how to handle situations you can be anything you want. I frankly think that success is often a combination of luck and work (not necessarily hard work). So what is the point, if You can do everything right and still end up miserable or end up in the same position as someone who has done everything wrong? What is the point in trying if it is not assured you will be better? What if these destinations we want to get to are not even as good as we think they are? Like how we wanted to grow up and now that we are grown we realize it is frankly crap. Maybe once we get to the place we have wanted to be we will realize it is not what we have viewed it as. I said it before, I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER where I am headed in this journey of life. The more I walk it the more I see, perceive, and experience and of late I've been asking myself if that is the point of it all you know? Maybe life IS just for living. Maybe finding 'purpose' is a burden we put on ourselves, there are too many variables to it and we have made understanding purpose itself complex. It is all in our minds, in our perspectives this purpose thing. Maybe we were put on here just to experience our time around other humans and enjoy it and that is all, there is no destined purpose. That the purpose is barely to live, and everything else is an imaginary cage created by ourselves in co-operation with those around us.

Hello reader, you have reached the end of my verbose. Nothing but a ramble, I hope you have enjoyed it though. leave a comment and follow the blog in the top right menu (there's a drop-down). Thank you!