Untitled rant

Some days I feel like the tough times are lasting. There is nothing to hope for in the future in my current state or from my perspective. I assess myself and fail to find any of the traits the world ahead of me demands. Some days I'm scared that once I get out to face the world it will chew me up and spit me out, a shell of what I am  now. I do not know if it's paranoia or concern and because of that I do not know how to deal with 'it'. It's like going into a fight blindfolded you can't see what's beating you up, you don't know when the next blow is coming so you don't know when to brace or dodge, it's a constant flogging. That's how I would define life as a young adult. Sometimes when I am enjoying myself I think "This is nice but it will not last very long." It's almost as if part of being an adult is learning that everything is temporary and making the most of  it. Learning to soak up every ounce of happiness when you can, teaching yourself how to efficiently endure spells of pain and comfort because again nothing at all is temporary. I do not know how to feel about that, there is no permanence in this world. We all live in a volatile mix of probabilities, statistics and coincidences. You never really know what to expect and even if you do something might still go wrong. You walk into an abyss with nothing but intuition and hope then you pray you make it to the other side. I think the worst part about being sentient is being self-conscious, the way you are always aware of the things you do and stuff going on within you even if others are not. You also will be your own harshest critic and the worst part is sometimes you will beat yourself up too much for things you do not have the capacity to handle or solve. Long story short I'd rather be anything but human