Take Point

So I was recently thinking, how in the world am I here? Not here as in earth, here as in my current position and situation in my life. I recently took a retrospective point of view and realized my life has been a series of rash decisions, lucky jumps, and consequence-less mistakes. It's almost as if I took a back seat in a taxi, fell asleep and woke up in an unfamiliar destination. I got to asking myself have I really ever made a single decision to influence the direction in which I am headed as a person. In a way I have but still, I think you get what I am trying to say. Then afterwards I got to thinking that maybe the reason why I feel so directionless sometimes is because I have never really grabbed the wheel to steer my life. I only seem to steer when I see myself hurtling towards metaphorical walls and pot-holes. The only time I'm in control is when about to crash. It has come to a point where I do not feel like I am playing an active role in my life. So I will give an example using sports. Okay so in sports there are normally surplus players on a bench or technical area. So these substitutes are used to replace on-field players in case of fatigue, injury or change of tactics. Or sometimes these players are used to bring an extra splash of individual brilliance in moments that require it. So, assume the team you are playing for is trailing. The manager brings you on to change the game. Imagine the pressure you feel, see along with the already tense situation of the game, you have the additional pressure of being a 'game-changing substitution'. It may alter your performance right? Now try and relate it to a life situation. It's almost as if taking control only when big moments come avails you to more pressure you see? I think I should be more active in steering my boat in this sea or rather storm of life, otherwise I'll just end up being tossed around (yes that's a bawdy joke) or worse capsizing. I have said this before in my second article and I say it again. Do not be a passenger, take the wheel. I mean it is scary being in control you may veer off the road once in a while or even get one or two accidents but look at it this way, all you have is in that vehicle, your whole being and you have given the keys to chance, doesn't that scare you. At least if you crash while in control you may learn how to avoid it next time but if you aren't the driver it may be crash after crash until one day the car cannot move. I think that in the same way you need to get used to someone before you can confidently be yourself around them, you also need to get used to exercising your attributes in order to build confidence in them. Maybe, just maybe the reason you are not certain you can fully command your future is because you are not even in control of the present. When you do get a grasp and get used to even little control, you will be able to master complete control with a little experience.