Duality

I exist in ruthless lack compromise and focus emanating from the understanding of variables within my control. Logic is my world-beater, my code is based on statistical outlooks and observation of patterns. I am hardwired. My computation has failed me many a time but it's still my most reliable vessel in the crunch to actualization...self-actualization. There has to be a reason for the prefix. If calculations I need are done by other hands I, how in charge of the outcome am I really. 

I have a striking fear of isolation. I have faced it before but the memories are a blur. My mind does that to me. I face adversity I forget. I have always seen it as a normal short coming, yet in a way it might be my strongest defence. I have faced neglect both from myself and others. One stemmed from the other but I can't discern. I observe my persona with a lens of scrutiny under a light of over analysis. I like my awareness, familiarity breeds comfort, but sometimes I know my weaknesses more than my strengths. I do not know whether that makes me weaker or stronger.

Inhibition of a skin too big to fit in and too small to break out of. I envision a destination I'm gifted enough to see but too worn to reach. Is it possible to exist paradoxically? An absurd existence in an absurd vessel surrounded by just that. A series of contradictions. A fog that renders me unable to see or be seen. A knowledge of navigation that only allows me to see how lost I am instead of how I can be found. Inhibiting a cloud is dreamy, not so much when the only thing you can see is how far down you can fall. 

It is cynically cyclic