SAP

Self awareness paradox. The more you know about yourself, the less certain and secure you are. I saw a quote somewhere unremarkable and it said; the more certain somebody is about something, the less about it they know. This was consolation to me and my constant uncertainty hilariously. Maybe it's a curse that the smart people among us have. In the context of the human brain, the more you examine yourself introspectively the more you will discover. These discoveries can be categorically good or bad. Say you look within and uncover a good characteristic that can be of service to you if cultivated intentionally. That would be beneficial to you and your growth as a person. But look at the flip side of the card. You look within yourself and recognize a bad habit or trait you have and you acknowledge it. You may have experienced this phenomenon where the minute you take notice of something the more you will see and acknowledge it. I'll give a personal example. I love cars and sometimes I will fall in love with a certain car after seeing videos of it on the internet or good pictures of it on pinterest. So every time I am out in the real world I will notice that specific car more than I do any other, it's almost as if I will start seeing more of it than normal.

 Same goes with uncovering this bad trait or habit. You will acknowledge it better when it comes to light which is a little of a double-edged sword. On one hand you have the information you need to start working on solving this problem and on the other; now you can see it manifesting more clearly day to day even when it is subconscious and you may begin to punish yourself for letting it happen. We are human, which means we have value systems, habits, tendencies and traits. Some of these aforementioned things are as a result of programming by our environment or adaptive measures our own brains have taken to either protect us of function optimally. Acknowledgement of a trait or tendency does not necessarily mean the acknowledgement of its origin. Optimally you want to assess and control the intent that accompanies the acknowledgement and try to decipher its origin. Easier said than done. I'm often talking about unpacking and how necessary and tedious it all is. The process of motion, in the context of growth, may often look like a cyclic path. Passing by the same problems over and over and over again which is exhausting. When we experience these tribulations, what we gain is not assurance against them, but experience in dealing with them. On the topic; There is a popular notion that people's true identities are revealed when they are in a crisis. I happen to think it is a little crude to judge people's personality based off of how they act when they are uncomfortable. They are not operating optimally. These may be their programming (dated or current) kicking in to try and navigate the situation. You can learn a lot about yourself when you are operating outside your comfort zone or during tribulations. Your self awareness may kick in and highlight unhealthy coping mechanisms but again they are also all you know and practice subconsciously from your programming. Paradoxical. 

Our cognition is by far our biggest gift and our worst flaw. Especially with our tendency to gauge our performance in relation to our social setting. When you hold yourself to a high echelon of morality and performance any shortcomings will seem very exacerbated. Extending mercy to yourself may look like lenience sometimes but it is important to go easy on yourself when you miss the mark. We are so used to harsh reprimand that we extend it to ourselves sometimes. Our programming has dictated that that's the only way to ensure against the repetition of a mistake, making it so that we're afraid of the repercussions of doing so. During your tenure on the path of self-discovery you will make many mistakes so it is imperative you do not view them as the end of the world. It's part of the experience.